One Last Goodbye
by VampWillow730
Summary: ::REVISED:: Angel is about to leave Sunnydale and Buffy behind. But, he can't leave without one last goodbye.
1. One Last Goodbye Part 1

Title: One Last Goodbye  
Author: Emily  
Summary: Angel is about to leave Sunnydale and Buffy behind. But, he can't leave without one last goodbye.  
Rating: Strong R for lots of language  
Spoilers: All the B/A Romance, and Graduation Day II  
Dedication: To the B/A Shippers, keep the dream alive!!  
Feedback: You know I love it!! It gives me a happy!  
  
Part 1/3  
  
"We got off pretty cheap… considering." Xander says to me.  
  
"Seems like we did." I reply. I continue to look around, hoping to see *him* one more time.  
  
We walk a few more steps then I stop; still looking around. Xander stops beside me; his hands buried in his pockets.   
  
"He made it through the fight. Guess maybe he took off after." I blink and look down.   
  
Xander makes a grimace then turns and walks away. I stand there, again looking around, and Giles comes up to me.   
  
Giles puts a hand on my shoulder. "Are you all right?"   
  
I lay my head to one side. "I'm tired."   
  
Giles smiles at me. "I should imagine so. It's been quite a couple of days."   
  
"I haven't processed everything yet. My brain isn't really functioning on the higher levels. It's pretty much: fire bad; tree pretty." I say tiredly.   
  
Giles shakes his head. "Understandable. Well, when it's working again congratulate it on a good campaign. You did very well."   
  
I nod. "Thank you. I will."   
  
Giles puts his glasses on. "I ah… I managed to ferret this out of the wreckage. Now, it may not interest you, but… I'd say you earned it." Giles says, handing me my charred diploma.   
  
Giles takes a deep breath and looking around. "There is a certain dramatic irony that's attached to all this. A Synchronicity that borders on … on predestination, one might say."   
  
I look at him. "Fire bad; tree pretty.'   
  
Giles looks back at me, understanding. "Yes, s…sorry. I'm going to see to Wesley, see if he's… is still… whimpering."   
  
Giles walks away, and I continue to look after him. Suddenly I turn around; a slight frown on my face. My eyes lock on something and my face clears. I stare at him. I stare at Angel standing beside a fire truck looking at me. We both just stand there, just staring at each other. I blink and feel my face fall. I hug myself a little closer. A couple of firemen block my view of him, moments later, smoke obscures him from my vision. The smoke finally blows away, and he steps back, slowly turns, and walks off. I stand there, watching him leave. And, then, he's gone, he disappeared in the smoke.   
  
Slowly, I turn away, and notice Willow, Oz, and Xander sitting on a bench in the grass. Cordy walks over and sits down.  
  
"Well, that's the most fun you can have without having any fun." I hear Cordelia say.  
  
Willow smiles. "How about the part where we kicked some demon ass. I didn't hate that."   
  
"Hear, hear!" Xander says cheerfully.  
  
I walk over to the gang, and put on a false, cheerful smile. "You guys want to take off? I think we've done pretty much all we can."   
  
"I'm for it." Cordelia nods and says.  
  
"Are you okay?" Willow asks me, concerned.  
  
I nod and say in a small voice. "Yeah… I'm okay. - I could use a little sleep though."   
  
Willow nods and agrees emphatically. "Yeah."   
  
I sit down on the bench next to Willow. "If someone could just wake me when it's time to go to college, that'd be great." Willow smiles at me.   
  
Oz says, with his hands in is pockets. "Guys take a moment to deal with this: - we survived." Xander nods.   
  
"It was a hell of a battle!" I reply.  
  
"Not the battle... high school." He says.  
  
We all look quietly at the school and listen to the crickets chirping.   
  
"We're taking a moment... and we're done."   
  
Xander gets up and walks off next to Cordelia. "Well, School's done."   
  
Oz puts an arm around Willow as they all walk off together.  
  
"It's sooo...Cool!"   
  
"Why do demons even come here any more? I mean, don't they know…" Willow asks.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Damn it. I just walked away. I fucking walked away. I ripped out her heart, stomped on it and walked away. I love her. God knows it. I love her more than life itself. Why the fuck did I leave then? I left because I'm a coward. I'm a low life who doesn't deserve her. I fucked up. Damn it. I stand there, just beyond the range of her vision. I stand there, hoping she would chase after me. But I told... I told her I wouldn't say goodbye. I told her that. What an ass hole. Shit, I love her and I walked away. She's not coming back. I turn back around and keep walking. I get to my Plymouth Belvedere and jump in and I speed off towards L.A. I'm such a dumb ass. Why should I think she'd wait for me? She's already on her way to getting over me.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
I'm walking with Willow, Oz, Xander and Cordy. We've just left the school grounds and now we're heading towards our first stop, Cordy's. I make a rash decision and blurt out, "I'm gonna book, I've gotta do something."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Before anyone can say anything, I'm off and running towards the spot where I last saw him. I get there, and all the smoke has drifted away and there are no more fire trucks. And no more Angel. He left. Just like he said he would. No goodbyes. If I had only chased after him. If only I hadn't been so stupid.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
I'm stopped at a red light, though I think about just running it, because the cops could never catch me and I couldn't be killed. It turns green, and I just sit there. Someone behind me gets angry and beeps their horn loudly at me, and I still sit there. They keep beeping, until finally, I turn around and look, flick up my middle finger and rattle off a few choice words. I'm in no mood for that shit. I speed off, hearing the other person's response. "You mother fucker!" I continue to speed, and I don't get caught.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
I don't get it? Why would he leave me? What was it? I don't care about kids, I'll never be normal. I'm a Slayer. I love him. Isn't love enough? I guess not. I realize I've made it to my house, and I look at it. So many good memories there. Our first kiss. I wish it was as simple as that. I slowly trudge up the stairs and collapse in my bed. Without even changing clothes, I drift off into a disturbing sleep. Memories of happy times. It makes me sick, but some how I am unable to wake up. I just wish it was so simple.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
I don't really know what came over me. Maybe I was just being rash, but, not 10 minutes after leaving the charred remains of Sunnydale High, I turn around and speed back to the small town, that know one cares about. No one knows all the evils that lives there. I continue speeding, until I come to a familiar place. Buffy's house. I park the car on the curb a few blocks down and jog to the familiar tree, I always used as an entrance. For a few, short moments, I stand there, staring at her bedroom window. All the lights are off, and she must be asleep by now, but I don't care. I climb the tree, and sit just outside of her room. The window's open, as usual. Why doesn't she close it? She's the Slayer, she knows the dangers of the world. I stare. I know it's rude, but no one's there to see me. I quietly watch her, knowing that there's plenty of time till the sun comes up. So I watch. I'm just outside her bedroom window. I think irrashionaly again, and sneak into her bedroom. What the fuck am I doing? I yell at myself. I grab a piece of paper, so innocently sitting on her desk and one of her blue fuzzy pens. One last letter. I sneak outside, and rest my back against the tree and begin writing.  
  
TBC... 


	2. One Last Goodbye Part 2

Part 2/3  
  
It's as if I can feel him, right next to me. It must just be his presence in my dreams, because by now he's halfway to where ever. I have no idea where he's going, or if I'll ever know. But, the thought hasn't crossed my mind, that I'd never see him again. I know I'll see him again. He's my soul mate. And, with that, I drift off into an even deeper sleep. I dream of the happier times. Our first kiss, our first date, the first and only time we make love. And, so much more. The erotic movie that wasn't really about food. Ah, if I could turn back time, and relive all those memories, I know I would.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
I'm almopst done with the letter. It has to end this way. I finish the letter and turn the piece of paper over and begin sketching her beautiful face while she sleeps. It's kind of like my signature, showing that I was here. I finish the sketch, gently folded the piece of paper, and tuck it under her pillow. Then, quietly, so as not to wake her, I tip-toed out of the room. I hear her sigh, and stop in my tracks. Then, she turns over on her side and faces me. Her eyes barely open, she mumbles, "Mom, I just saved the world, I don't have to get up." I chuckle at that, and then resume my escape. "But, if there's some strange vampire in my room, maybe I should slay him." She says, no sleepiness in her voice. Damn it! I didn't want her to know.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"When strange vampires sneak in my room, I have to wonder why." I say calmly.  
  
"I was, I was just leaving." Angel replies lamely.  
  
"Right. Leaving what?" I ask him firmly. "What were you doing sneaking into my room at night?"  
  
"I had to leave this." Angel replies.  
  
"What. Give it to me!" I almost yell.  
  
"Here." He says, handing me a piece of paper from under my pillow.  
  
"Oh, the tooth fairy with fangs." I reply sarcastically.  
  
"I'm just gonna go." Angel says, walking towards the window.  
  
"No, I may want to talk to you after I read this letter." I say to him. He stops and looks at me.  
  
"Go ahead." He tells me.  
  
I nod, and begin reading.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Dear Buffy,  
  
I miss you already. I'm sorry I have to leave. I love you so much. But, when I'm around you, I can't keep my hands off you. And, there's the curse, and if I were to break it, you know what would happen. All hell would break loose. So, I just want you to understand why I can't stay. I will never stop loving you, ever. You mean everything to me. You're my soul mate, my lover and I don't know what would have happened if I had never met you. I would only be a shell of myself.  
  
I'm in tears after reading that first paragraph. With tears streaming down my face, I continued.  
  
Remember the good times we had, and remember me for them. I want you to only know happiness, but I know that's not possible. Remeber our first time, before I reverted back to Angelus. Remember that night the snow saved me. Remember how you saved me with your blood.  
  
I told you I wouldn't say goodbye, but I was wrong. That's to harsh. I realize that now. It was wrong of me. I was stupid, and shouldn't have said it. Please forgive me. I love you. You know I do. I will always love you. Don't forget it. Please, don't. I have to go now, I hope our paths will cross again. I love you.  
  
Angel  
  
TBC... 


	3. One Last Goodbye Part 3

Part 3/3  
  
Buffy folds the letter back and holds it in her trembling hands. "I love you, too. You know I do. I-I don't want you to leave."  
  
"I know. I don't want to leave either. I don't know how long I'll last, without you. Without you by my side, fighting the good fight." I reply.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
He puls me into his arms, and we cry. It feels good, being held my him, one last time. I cry until I can cry no more. There are no more tears left in my eyes, but I'm still trembling and whimpering.   
  
"Sh, baby, I love you. Everything's going to be okay. You'll move on and find someone else." He tries to assure me.  
  
"No, no one else. Never. I love you, and only you. I don't want to live without you." I say.  
  
"No, baby," tears streaming down her face, hearing me say this. "You shouldn't talk like that. You'll live a long, full life. You'll be the oldest Slayer to ever live. You'll be old and gray."   
  
"Thanks," I whisper. "I really want to be old and gray."  
  
"Fine, you'll be old, with no wrinkles and a beautiful blonde head of hair." Angel says.  
  
"That's better." I say, trying to lighten the mood, though I know it's impossible.  
  
"I need to go." Angel says. "If I don't leave soon, I might do something I regret."  
  
"No, please, you could stay. I love you, love is all that matters." I plead with him, knowing it's not possible. Once he's made a decision, he'll stick to it.  
  
"No, I have to go. I have to go for you." He says.  
  
"Okay." I say quietly.  
  
"I love you." He replies.  
  
"I love you too." I tell him. The tears start again as he climbs out of the window.  
  
Before he climbs down the tree, he turns to me, and says, "You still my girl?"  
  
I reply, "Always."  
  
I bury my face in my hands, and I turn away, I don't want to watch him go.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
I watch her crying, it just tears up my heart and I can't take it any longer. Quietly, I crawl back in through the window, and encirle my arms around her thin waist. I gently kiss her neck, and I spin her around so she's facing me. Before she says anything, I capture her lips in mine, and kiss her passionately. Perhaps more passionately than ever before. The kiss continues for several moments, before I break away.  
  
"I have to go." I say. "I love you."  
  
"Oh god, I love you too, so much. More than I can express." She says.  
  
"Bye my love." I says, turning to face the window.  
  
"Goodbye, my Angel." She says. "Promise me, Angel."  
  
"Anything, love." I reply.  
  
"Promise me, you'll find your way back to Sunnydale, back to me, and things will be different. Promise me we'll be together." She asks me.  
  
"I promise, nothing could keep me away from you, but we need this time apart. I love you."  
  
"I love you."  
  
With that, I climb back out the window and down the tree. I walk slowly back to my car, glancing up at her window. I can see her huddled up, crying.  
  
"I promise I'll find my way back to you. I love you." I whisper to the wind, letting it carry my words to her.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
I can't remember going to sleep last night. I know that I cried myself to sleep, though. I really feel like dying now. I don't want to go one. I love him. Only him. God, why doesn't he realize that I don't want a normal life, I can't have one. I'm the Slayer, the only one. The Chosen fucking One.  
  
I lay in bed, watching the few cars go down the road. They have no idea the daily battles and fights I go through, just so they can drive to work every morning.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
I finally made it to L.A. The city of Angeles. Funny. I don't see any angels. I had planned on coming here after I broke up with Buffy, and I already had a basement apartment. I just miss her so much. She's my soul mate. My lover. Or, she was. We're over, we can't be together. I love her, but things can never be. Damn, I wish they could.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Finally, light. It's not so early. I drag myself out of bed, and throw some clothes on, they probably don't even match. But, who cares? Not me anyways. I don't feel like living. I could take my own life right now. There's nothing stopping me. Physically anyways, emotionally, yes. I wouldn't want my friends and my family to go through that pain. So, I guess all I really can do, is pretend nothing happened. Everyone wants me to move on. Mom, Giles, Willow, Xander. Everyone. God, I just can't. I hate not being with him.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
I hate not being with her. I miss her. My soul's yelling at my brain, and so if my heart. It's telling me to go and get her. To go sweep her up in my arms, kiss her and make sweet love to her. But, my mind knows better, it knows what would happen. My heart and soul really don't care what happens after the fact. Damn, I wish I could do something.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
We're not meant to be together, ever. We love each other, and I've always believed that love was enough, but it's not. I walk out the front door, intent on going for a quick walk. I need to clear my head. It's all jumbled up and I can't get anything straight.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
We're not meant to be together, it's as simple as that. I can't give her all the things a human could give her. I can't even make love to her. I settle down in my arm chair, to brood.   
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
I get home from my walk, and I lay down on my bed, and sleep. Anything to do to avoid my thoughts about Angel.  
  
End!!  
  
Sad much, huh. Hope you liked!! 


End file.
